It’s Almost Tourney Time!!

  My  GOD does it feel good to know that I now work in an office filled with a bunch of degenerate gamblers. We are all ready to rig the four LCD T.V’s and watch 16 straight games in the office next Thursday and Friday. From what I can sere there will only be tension during the Pittsburgh game and the Villanova game. Otherwise, we will just throw punches over who will be taking home the big ass Grand Prize. Nothing beats the ridiculous run of college basketball that basically starts tonight. Now if we could only get to 10 O’clock I can start indulging myself. I am whole-heartedly rooting for the following teams over the next two weeks::

 

    Villanova- Because I went to school there…dumbasses. If you didn’t know that, you are not my friend. If you are not my friend, you lick peoples dicks. If you like to lick dicks, then you shit in a bucket. and have two assholes. Asshole.
   Cornell- I went there too. I am an honorary member of the Cornell marching band. I have a Go Big Red T-Shirt, and I once took a hot bubble bath with three of your female relatives.
    North Dakota State- Just for the SHEAR hilarity about all of this. I am hoping and PRAYING for that NDSU-Villanova first round matchup. There are only so many chances at retribution we all have, and aside from a raid on Netcong, this would be pretty fun. No joke too, NDSU is hosting the Summit League tournament and is officially one win away from the big dance (Although I figure they are a good candidate for the play-in game).

 

  The other big tournament is actually going to take place right here in this blog. The 2009 Hottest Woman Alive tournament. Much like the NCAA tournament I will be looking very feverishly at the regular season record of all the beauties. Facebook has actually allowed me to expand this tournament into a full 64 woman battle. I will probably make my page public for the festivities so feel free to check it out and see the lovely hunnies who will battle for the coveted prize of HWA 2009. Did you want a sneak peak of what is going to happen? Well, Maybe I should give you the 4 #1 seeds for my tournament. OK, fine I will.

 

    EAST- Jessica Negri. The Hottest woman alive for three years running. She has a butt like a six year old boy and no one takes a sexier picture than her. Although Perseo takes a pretty damn hot photo too.
    WEST- Domenika. I am not posting her last name because she has had trouble in the past. But let me make one thing clear, Jess has some ridiculously hot friends.
    SOUTH- Stacy Graef. Yeah I know, another member of the Crandell crew. But what do you expect?
    MIDWEST- Maria Chrysson. I’m just not going to pull any punches. It is quite possible that Jess has the HOTTEST collection of female friends on Earth.

 

  Speaking of the Juicy one. It was her birthday today. So say Happy Birthday to her, and start the bus because we are all going to party like Brian Orlowski at a trade show this weekend.

 

    So earlier today I prank called P.F. Changs in Weehawkin for what has to be the 30th time this month. My damn phone is addicted to pantsing them. I know. I sit on the “P” button, which brings up P.F. and then I hit the send button. I can only imagine how many pissed off hostesses there are If you would like to start pantsing the P.F. Changs, feel free to call them at 201-866-7790. Just call them and put the phone down. They will keep saying hello, and maybe if we are lucky they will change their numbers!

 

  Another interesting piece of news I found today was that Burger King is planning on starting “The Whopper Bar”. A slimmed down version of a full sized BK, this baby will specialize in all sorts of Whoppers and the like. I could really care less about this, considering I am strictly a Whopper with cheese guy, but I can see how this is huge news for the obese pigs of this country.

  I was talking to Khloe Kardashian today. Well, actually I talked to her and she didn’t respond. But hey, it’s worth a shot right? I like her a lot. I kinda want to do naughty things to her body. I like that she has meat on her bones, is crazy, and got nailed for a DWI. I am officially announcing on my pages that I will bed her. Whether she will be the bottom slice of the Mike sandwich with Alison Sweeney on top remains to be seen. But I am totally going for it. I am definitely keeping up with the Kardashians.

 

BTW Chellee…HERE: http://twitter.com/kimsaprincess

  I gave the finger to blind guy on American Idol. He totally didn’t see it!

 

Let’s talk about the people I am following on Twitter. I am crazy about the fact that I am listening the the wise words of Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Dr. Drew, Demi and Ashton, Burger King, and The Cope. Life begins and ends with Twitter and Tweetdeck. And the hot rumor is that Tweet Deck will become Face Deck shortly as well. It’s going to be a crazy connected world for me and the ladies that I stalk.

 

  How much do I really have to say at this point? After having my shit stolen in my new office last week, I am a bit numb. I have to get a new bag and replace the Flip Mino camera. The only good news is that I will get a Flip Mino HD camera. We can now post all of your favorite Nick Videos in stunning 720p High Definition.

 

  No reason to delay the inevitable. I am going to fuck around now. I just don’t feel like entertaining you anymore. If you are that bored you can totally go and read one of the four million articles about Alex Rodriguez. You know the guy that NO ONE gives a shit about? Well, apparently he used steroids and got hip surgery. He’s like the Lindsay Lohan of sports. No one gives a flying shit, but they still inundate us with all of his crap. I don’t care if he threw his dick in Madonna’s mom at this point. I wouldn’t flinch if I found out that he tossed Chris Angle’s salad. But of course if he DID toss that salad, he would probably have an awful case of muck mouth right now.

 

  I did however, find a fantastic soundboard recording of a Black Sabbath concert from 1975 in Asbury Park. What is totally awesome about this show is that they played Megalomania live on this tour. So I finally got that pristine copy of Live “Megalomania” that I never thought I would hear.(ED NOTE: This same recording is apparently on the “Past Lives” CD) I totally understand that they will probably tour at least one more time, and that there will be a slight chance that they will play that song, but I would not bank on it. Especially with the ticket prices and fees lately, you have a better chance of seeing me at a bull riding event than a rock concert at this stage of the game. I will note that even 35 years ago Ozzy had trouble hitting all the notes in that song, which of course means that he would completely butcher it today anyhow.

 

  And while we are on the topic of music, I suppose I will tell you that the Kelly Clarkson album “All I Ever Wanted” is the return the form that everyone is saying it was supposed to be. Pretty much expect to be flooded with KC songs on the radio for the next 6 months. Although I am still banging out to Lil Wayne’s “Prom Queen” right now as the best guilty shit on the radio. Dolla Dolla Bill Yo?

 

While writing this, I was listening to "Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) [feat. Akon, Lil Wayne & Niia]" by Wyclef Jean

  Just realized that Virginia Commonwealth (VCU) beat George Mason to earn a bid in the field of 65. This of course means that the most famous alumni of the school will be excited. Can you name them? I will give you a video hint followed by a large picture for the answer!

 

    
    
   

YUP….FUCKING GWAR!!!

 

 

OK Goodnight and may George Clooney sneak his little winkie in your tight butthole tonight!

La la la, la la la
La la la, la la la
Oh baby baby have you seen Amy tonight?
Is she in the bathroom is she smokin’ up outside? Oh
Oh baby baby does she take a piece of lime
For the drink that I’mma buy her do you know just what she likes? Oh
Oh oh, tell me have you seen her? Because I’m so oh
I can’t get her off of my brain
I just want to go to the party she gonna go
Can somebody take me home?
Ha ha, he he, ha ha ho
Love me hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me, but can’t you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me, la la la, la la la
Amy told me that she’s gonna meet me up
I don’t know where or when and now they’re closing up the club, oh
I’ve seen her once or twice but boy she knows my face
But it’s hard to see with all the people standing in the way, oh
Oh oh, tell me have you seen her, because I’m so oh
I can’t get her off of my brain
I just want to go to the party she gonna go
Can somebody take me home?
Ha ha, he he, ha ha ho
Love me hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me, but can’t you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me
Oh, so what you want about me?
Oh, but can’t you see what I see?
Oh, so what you want about me?
La la la, la la la
So tell me if you see her
‘Cause I’ve been waiting here forever
Oh baby baby if you seek Amy tonight
Oh baby baby we’ll do whatever you like
Oh baby baby baby
Oh baby baby baby
La la la, la la la
La la la, la la la
Love me hate me, say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me, but can’t you see what I see
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me, say what you want about me, yeah
Love me hate me, but can’t you see what I see?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy
Love me hate me
Oh, so what you want about me?
Oh, but can’t you see what I see?
Love me hate me
Oh, so what you want about me?
All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy