The Ism-s of Jisms

 

  More like a post than an article of any importance, I have decided to give to you, the loyal readers and habitual masturbators, a simple yet functional glossary of how stupid people communicate. This should make it easier to understand what is going on in the world today. Read the following list and you will all understand what the common folk are saying. I promise that you don’t need an English degree from East Hanover University to decipher these –isms.

 

1. BUDDUP!! means “Hello, how are you doing this fine morning? How was your evening last night?  Did you enjoy champagne, caviar and biscotti?”. The amount of D’s and U’s can vary depending on the overall mood. Therefore BUDDDDDDDDUUUUPPPP!! may mean something like, “Hey! I had a very enjoyable evening at the opera last night. Did you enjoy the Three Tenors?”. Do not confuse this term with S’UP which is more colloquial in fashion and refers to simple dinners or cocktails.

2. I HERE YA ultimately means that this person is “understanding the meaning of what it is that you are saying”. Unfortunately, the verb is actually to HEAR, however because common folk have difficulty with homonyms, it becomes very laborious for them to express this emotion. Often, I HERE YA is used at moments where the commoner will have no interest in what you are saying, or has no true constructive comment to make about the situation or thought. By using I HERE YA, the commoner can quickly divert from the topic and return to a discussion about being anally violated.

3. OF COARSE is yet another term that comes to pass with a double meaning. While confusing the term’s “course” and “coarse” the commoner is not only mistaken in homonym sense, but also attempting to be clever by using an adjective that describes a PHYSICAL feeling. For example, “the bottom of my long, flat, feet is very coarse due to my insistence upon walking barefoot.” While the commoner does not realize this difference it is important to understand that there is the misguided double meaning. This term is also a quick response term used to either end or steer the conversation back to the commoners command.

4. YOUR understandably is a mistake made by a lot of individuals and is a difficult term to grasp. When using the term YOUR, the commoner is trying to say “You are” as in “You are an auto auction legend”. However, when trying to convey this point, the commoner will attempt to trick you into believing the POSSESSIVE statement made by YOUR. The statement now reads, “Your an auto auction legend”, meaning you actually possess your own auto auction legend, presumably to whom you are married. Do not succumb to this trickery, you do not actually own an Auto Auction.

OK, I couldn’t think of a better pic.

 

5. SHEESH a common folk way of avoiding the use of the religious term “Jesus”. Most notably, the term “Jeez” is used to help differentiate between the element of exasperation and the sacrilege of taking the lord’s name in vain. By saying SHEESH the commoner may actually believe that they are being cute and not realizing that clearly are a jackass. The term SHEESH has been banned in 37 states including New Jersey and Canada.

SHEESH KEBAB!!!

6. YUPPERS is meant to explain extreme accord. The commoner completely agrees with your statement and is actually willing to continue the path of the current conversation. When engaged in a quick discussion, YUPPERS will give a emphatic agreement and ensure that the commoner will at least attempt to follow through on their statements. Be aware however that YUPPERS may be used as an intentional deceit if you become too comfortable with the commoner use of the term.

YUPPERS!!

7. BIZZA is a commoner tool of bringing his or her friends down to their level. By using the term BIZZA, the commoner hopes to make you feel as though it is acceptable to be a beer swilling, burping, farting, bar dancing waste of flesh. The term much like BUDDUP can be extended to different lengths depending on the excitement of the statement. For example, “YO BUDDUP BIZZZZZAAA!!!” is meant to say, “How are you today you fat, nasty, bitch?”

BIZZA BIZZA WAH WAH!!

8. BOWLEGGED is a sexual term used to explain the vanilla sex that occurred the previous night. The commoner WANTS you to believe that they were made love to so passionately that their legs are still numb hours later. By claiming that they are BOWLEGGED, the commoner is hoping you will think they were fucked good and hard the night before, however, they were ultimately bedded for 8 minutes of boring missionary sex. Often the commoner will ask if you are BOWLEGGED, either way the answer is a trap. Either the commoner is looking for a reason to brag about his or her terrible sex, or will trap you into admitting that you were made BOWLEGGED by their husband or wife.

9. GANNA is a grossly misspelled alternative to the word “GONNA” which is a commoner term for “going to”. For example, “I’m GANNA get BOWLEGGED tonight when he bangs my ass”. There is no excuse for this mistake, and therefore we must assume that the commoner is a complete idiot.

10. 0 or ZERO as opposed to O or the letter O. Understand that people who do this are either lazy, stupid, retarded, or all three. More than likely they are all three. EXAMPLE, “I l0ve y0u”.

 

An example statement from a commoner:

“BUDDUP BIZZA, OF COARSE I HERE YA. YOUR GANNA get BOWLEGGED tonight when he gets you! YUPPERS! I’m GANNA get me some in the butt too, SHEESH!”